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08/26/2002 Archived Entry: "the pain of reality..."
i am experiencing such intense sorrow today. i put my dog to "sleep" this morning and his absence is haunting.
i am remembering people in the rooms sharing about feelings, and the necessity of moving through those feelings. so, i'm trying to allow myself some time to do just that. i took a half day off from work today. i am planning on meeting a freind of mine prior to tonights meeting, so i can talk through some of this...
i know that this feeling of loss and pain will yield eventually to healing and acceptance. but, for now, i miss the little bugger! i am glad that i'm clean now. in the past, i would have covered and shoved down these feelings, but today, i get to know fully the depths of caring and the reality of loss. and, as uncomfortable as these feelings are, i'll take them over the numbness of using and the spiritual void that using brings any day.
time to call my sponsor. later all.
Replies: 24 Chips
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I'm so sorry to hear that, Theophany. Made me cry. I agree, you do sound like you are handling it well, not numbing the pain and all. Life on life's terms, I guess. I know I would probably just want to run and hide, or jump back into addicted behaviors. This is a real tug at the heart strings, but I admire your strength and thank you for sharing this with us.
Posted by Trinity @ 08/28/2002 09:23 AM EST
it sounds like you're dealing with it really well considering the situation. feeling the emotions and not numbing them is still new to me. thanks for sharing this perspective.
a friend's brother died over the weekend. I did not know him, but evidently his drinking had something to do with it. when my friend described his brother's drinking problem he could have been describing mine.
the fact that his drinking wound up killing him and he had a similar pattern really got to me.
Posted by the lost one @ 08/26/2002 10:53 PM EST
I am so sorry to hear that, I know how painful the experience is .. about 5 months ago Ginger and I had to put our Black Lab to sleep, she wasn't even 2 years old and had grown a tumor on her heart .. It was one of the most sadest moments in my life
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